The joy of driving?!Well I thought London traffic was bad but wait until you see LA.
"LA is a great big freeway, put a hundred down and buy a car" Dionne Warwick cheerfully sings in that 1960s classic "Do You Know The Way To San Jose".
I do not have a clue how to get to San Jose although I recommend that she 'google it. After all the mighty Google people know all. I suspect that the Wizard of Oz would have been out of a job had Google been around. But even if she does not know how to get to San Jose, she does have a point with the LA-freeway connection. The roads are huge and never ending, and they seem to be eternally busy. It is as though there is a vast population of people here who do not have a home, and spend their entire lives merely driving!
The thrill of driving is lost here it seems. So the best place to be is in the passenger seat. From this splendid position you can entertain yourself immensely by observing the other drivers. To the right is Senor Rodriguez sporting a proud handlebar moustache, just visible through the dusty window to be chewing a plastic lighter (please do not ask me why.... I suppose it was to hand at the time) as he drives his battered and collision-streaked 1980s Ford open-bed pick-up. Just passing on the left is a sleek black Mustang with noone driving it... oh my mistake... Aviator sunglasses-wearing Mickey Mustang was in the passenger footwell searching for his marbles. And why is the car in front drifting to the left before making a sudden correction and repeating the process to the right? On passing the erratic silver Toyota Camry it all makes sense... MAKEUP!! Well we know this one in England too don't we? But how can Katya Camry be curling her eyebrows at the same time as driving.... AND being on the phone to her Brucey Bonus boyfriend? Hidden talent I suspect.
Give me the opportunity to drive though and I will be happy no matter what the driving conditions may be. And Don must have worked this out pretty quickly. Presuming his Dodge may have been ready for collection in LA by the end of the day he suggested that I join him for a speedy 'car pool lane' commute into LA and then then drive back. In the Mercedes SL convertible. DEAL!
And how it made my day. The car is red with a cream interior (ooooh) and is about ten years old. To me this gives a Mercedes enough time to become attractive! Driving position, mirrors...check, check. iPod.... CHECK! And so Beverley Hills was subjected to some classic 1960s Ike and Tina Turner style rhythm and blues. A big smile swept across my face and I headed back towards Antelope Valley on the freeways. I have to admit I felt pretty cool...
...until I heard that I snored the night before. "But I don't snore?!" I objected when Mark said that he had overheard me snoring the night before. Preposterous! It is not possible. Is it? I sounded like what?! Nooooooo!!!
Yes indeed... apparently I sound like Hannibal Lecter making that creepy slithering sound when he contemplates eating a succulent human cheek morsel when I snore. I do not know what to say.....
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