22 hours. 2 stops. Before I started this insane travelling experience the furthest that I had ever travelled was to New York. Well once again I am on my way to The Big Apple for two fruity weeks of urban excitement and the journey from Cape Town via Johannnesburg and Dakar is quite a trek. However after the first leg from London to Cape town I was actually quite excited about this journey... I eagerly savoured the experience and made mental notes of the amusing sights I was to behold.
Of course in Heathrow we would be thrilled to join a queue of only three people waiting to check in at the departures desk but this is Cape Town and the proceedure is somewhat more painful. After 30 minutes I was finally standing in front of the tatty box that is the desk. behind it, Wall with his carefully trimmed hairline, stares intently at his hidden computer screen (one has to wander if there was even one there?!) and taps away with two rigid fingers. Although I have no idea what it was that required so much typing! Sitting at the desks were battered old green office chairs that looked as though they would be more at home in a Dundee Post Office and running along the back wall was a little conveyor belt with staff standing around looking incredibly bored. Welcome to the 21st Century!
This time I was flying with South African Airways and after Qatar they had a good deal to live up to. Sheila, the air hostess, was a friendly blond lady in her forties who beavered away at her job with sheer determination. This was evidently her workout for the day and I watched with facination as her arms glided around her trolley and darted through the air as she served the miserable passengers. It would have made more sense for her to wear a leotard and sweat bands in the South African Airways colours though. I feel a letter coming on...
This first flight to Johannesburg only took two hours and before I knew it I was absorbed in the world of Pip and his Great Expectations. I was only interrupted as we came in to land. The well dressed middle aged man sitting to my right had been cluthcing his iPod and staring intently at it while he sipped white wine throughout the journey. At one point I was concerned that he was no longer with us but I dared not prod him lest he topple over in to the aisle and cause a mid-air panic... I mean have you seen Airplane?! I was enjoying my book so much that it was not the landing gear hitting the tarmac with a thump that tore my eyes from the pages but the loud croak that the chap next to me suddenly emitted as he apparently coughed up a good deal of mucus into a flask in one heave! He had clearly attempted to disguise the noise as he delivered this little prize and this was confirmed as he made a second delivery just as the pilot spoke through the tannoy system! But what of the flask? Both times I had seen him seal the flask. Was this to add to a collection of mucus samples? I dread to think.
And then there was the pilot's tannoy. I was flown to Johannesburg by a Captain Pike!
Johannesburg was one of the most confusing airports I have ever used. Yes it is very modern and was certainly light years ahead of Cape Town's equivalent, but as I followed the signs for International Transfers I was sent in big circles around the entire terminal much to my amusement. When I did make it to the Internnational Gates access I looked back to see the sign for it pointing in the opposite direction! Absolutely baffling!
Night falls on the second leg of my journey... I can tell because the lights have been dimmed and the staff have all but disappeared to play strip poker in the tail. It seemed that there was nothing I could do to make me comfortable on this airplane and I resigned myself to a sleepless night. Even listening to the girl next to me snoring was not enough to tease myself to sleep. Rather self-consciously I decided to watch Charlotte's Web and of course I cryed my eyes out, wanting to burst into loud sobs of grief but far too aware that someone may well notice! In reality I was feeling a little emotional and seeing Charlotte spinning away at her web to save her piggy friend was too much for me to cope with. Another gin and tonic anyone?!
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